Saturday, June 30, 2012

Welcome to Braza Leña, the Keys' finest churrascaria! How many in your party? One? That's just fine. Follow me this way.

The first thing you'll see here is our abundant salad bar. This comes with an expansive variety of fruits, vegetables, fine cheeses, and deli meats. Here is our soup of the day conch soup. Oh! It seems the cooks have misspelled conch, "konk". Hahaha, those silly Brazilians. Always joshing around.

If you come this way, you can see where the magic really happens. Right through this window you can safely observe our expertly trained gauchos cooking not 10, not 12, but 16 cuts of meat over a charcoal grill. That's right, 16. Over charcoal! It doesn't get any better than that. You're gonna be glad that cow died.

If you would make your way over to our dining area where there is a spectacular ocean scenery (if you just look past the parking lot). Yes, it looks like a good day for a sail in Islamor- oh, what is that? An iguana! It seems so! We've seen him before, I can recognize him by the orange blaze on his right elbow. Oh, he does likes to munch away at our little bushes. He's quite the performer.

Now, would you like tap water or our special fresh, bottled water? Sparkling water, you say? Right away.

In case you've never been to a "churrascaria," I'll go ahead and break down our modus operandi for ya. Go ahead and help yourself to the salad bar when you so please, grab yourself a nice salad, some rice and beans, some of our special plantain chips, or even some fresh sushi! Eat what you please, but be sure to leave room for our 16 cuts of meat! Our gauchos will come around one at a time, each time with a different skewer of meat. Now, these little tokens will tell the gaucho if you are ready for meat or not. It's very simple: red for stop, green for go. With some of the meat, the gauchos are gonna need your help. That's where these little tongs come in. When the gaucho brings over a cut such as our succulent filet mignon, he will cut an adequate slice off the side where you then pinch it with your tongs, transferring the meat onto your plate to fully enjoy.

One of our many South American servers will make sure your experience is not only pleasurable but cordial, for our servers are all well acquainted with the artistry of Brazilian hospitality. To help them to make your experience as positive as possible, our bussers will be sure to refresh your water glasses and trade your used plates for clean ones. Here: who is this brooding in the corner? Oh! here is our star busser Willie. Say hello Willie. Yes, if you need anything, anything at all, Willie will be more than pleased to help you. Won't you Willie? Hahaha, oh, he is a good kid.

Once you've finished with your salads and your soups and your meats and your little plate of mashed potatoes, your server will bring you the desert tray. You may order these to go or of course you could enjoy it here with your friends at Braza Leña. Now, here we have key lime pie (best in the Keys), coconut flan, caramel flan (my personal favorite), and crème brûlée. No? Are you sure? Hahaha, you could always take it home. You sure? Hahaha, ok then, I see you won't budge in your decision, but rest assured, you are missing out.

Well, here is your check. May I say it has been a pleasure and a privilege. I do certainly hope we will see you again next time you find yourself in Islamorada again. Have a wonderful vacation.

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